So October has crept up unbelievably fast for me this year. Autumn, these few brief months between the gregarious summer and cosy christmas period, has always been one of transition.
I mean personally as well as, you know, elementally. I always seem to be moving house, country, job and so-on at this time of year. In 2015, it was when I was completing my teacher training, the year before it was when I was deciding to leave London for Oxford; I can trace this pattern back year on year. Autumn, this colourful, transitioning, destabilizing time of year is one that I associate with big, exciting, scary and tiring change.
Except this year is different. I’m not moving house. I’m not packing up all my worldly goods for the umpteeth time. I’m staying put for the first time in years. Why? Well, perhaps I should practise a little more unattachment and desist this constant over analysing (another inclination I’m working on). This inner sense of stillness and calm that I have found is very novel.
For a vata who seeks change and new ventures at every turn to stay still is sometimes the hardest thing to do. This difficulty in stillness started to take roots in my practise, I would be unfocused, unable to control and slow my breath, rushing through postures, leaving before Savasana (yes, I can appreciate now how mad that is). ‘Restorative’ I would hastily translate as 'boring', slow flows and hatha classes were also routinely avoided. In the last few months I have begun to seek out a more remedial practice, one full of calm and plenty of rest. And it feels good and natural and easy.
On reflection (the over analysis thing is a work in progress, okay) I feel like I was previously the catalyst to change, always bulldozing anything stable in my life. By doing so I was missing the quiet edifying moments, letting them get lost in the rubble and subsequently never taking heed of any lessons that could have been learnt. I’m going to meditate on this and channel my yin, and instead of resisting this new direction wait and see if stillness is the biggest change autumn has brought me yet.